WILTGCOP #5 Chainsaws in Our Necks Don't Kill Us

One of my favorite blog ideas ever was my "Why I Love the Great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania" blog.  The idea was to share humorous news from Pennsylvania and also offer historical information and biographies of famous Pennsylvanians.  It kind of fell by the wayside, but I still say it was an incredible idea.  So I'm going to continue its existence here!  And to kick it off, here's a great piece of news from Western Pennsylvania!

The headline reads "PA Tree Trimmer Goes to Hospital With Saw in Neck".

Your natural assumption is probably that only moments after going to the hospital, this gentleman was taken to the morgue.  Your assumption is incorrect!

That's right, a chainsaw to the neck doesn't actually kill Pennsylvanians.  It dates back to the genes of William Penn (founder of Pennsylvania), Daniel Boone (born in Pennsylvania), and Benjamin Franklin (born in Boston, but looked around, realized it sucked, and moved to Philadelphia!).  Eventually, the genetics of these three men began to cross paths with each other and created a super race invincible to things like mere chainsaws to the neck.

The article from ABC27 reads:

A tree trimmer is recovering after he was rushed to a Pittsburgh hospital with a chain saw blade embedded in his neck.

James Valentine was in a tree in Ross Township on Monday afternoon when he was struck in the neck by the saw.  Another worker helped him down, and his co-workers left the saw in place to try to limit the bleeding.

Valentine had emergency surgery at Allegheny General Hospital.  Doctors say the saw missed major arteries and, instead, cut into muscle.  Allegheny General Hospital released an X-ray Tuesday showing the saw still in the 21-year-old's neck.

Valentine works for Adler Tree Service in Gibsonia.  Its owner, Dominic Migliozzi, calls the rescue "amazing."

First off, let's just go ahead and label the guys who got him out of the tree, realized the saw had to stay in, and got him to the hospital before he, you know, died, heroes.  Small Business Owner, Dom, might have undersold it a bit by calling it "amazing."  To be honest, I think I wouldn't be able to utter anything other than "holy crap" for the next six weeks.

But since it looks like this tree trimmer is going to be just fine, let's have a little fun.  Here are my top five scenarios of how this happened:

5) Superman was playing darts with Thor (yes, I know, crossover)

4) His neck oddly looks like an oak limb

3) He has Magneto-like superpowers that he is only now realizing

2) The trimmer above him in the tree picked a really bad time to take up chainsaw juggling

1) The guy had a really, really bad itch

But seriously, it's incredible that this guy will live.  He definitely has my prayers for a quick recovery, and the local watering hole should give the guy at least a week's worth of free Iron City.