Desensitized

I see the world differently now that I am a father.  I especially see it differently with my child being a girl.  There had been things I've read or seen from time to time that would upset me, but I would move on pretty easily.  That's not really the case anymore.

The first time I experienced this, my daughter was less than a year old.  I read a story about a baby girl found in the bushes near a house, abandoned.  The little girl had maggots all over her.  I desperately wanted to raise that child.  Aside from it probably not being an option, we were struggling to figure out how to care for our own child and this probably wasn't possible.  Surely there were other family members or other like-minded Christians near by.  Like-minded in that I longed for this child to know her worth.  I ached for her to grow up with parents who valued her, wanted her, and pointed to a Heavenly Father who purposefully created her.  I still often think of this girl and pray for her.

This morning I read a story about a 30 year old man in western PA whose four month old daughter wouldn't stop crying.  So he punched her.  To death.  He went to the hospital and said he fell asleep while holding her and she fell off the bed.  The doctors examined her and knew it was impossible.  No, what happened is he punched this four month old girl in the head twice, once in the stomach, and once in the back.  Her injuries included:

• Fractured left humerus
• Brain bleed
• Lacerated heart vessel
• Lacerated left kidney
• Liver contusion
• Multiple contusions to the back and head
• Hemorrhage behind the eyes
• 3 posterior ribs fractured

This man was supposed to be this precious child's father.  If ever in her life should there be a man to love her, protect her, and nurture her, it was to be him.  My heart breaks thinking about this child's last moments.  He was to be her father.  And he attacked her.  She was four months old and he attacked her.  He killed her.  I cannot shake this agony I have for this child.

I know we are sinful, and I doubt we fully recognize the depth of the sin we are capable of.  This seems so beyond that.  Is there something more evil than a father punching to death his four month old daughter?

I remember those first few months at home with a newborn.  Our daughter was a nightmare most nights for her first three months or so.  I remember well the screaming fits and how nothing would work.  I remember well the visceral frustration over the unending wails.  I remember walking out of the room and hitting a wall in irritation.  But I walked out of the room.  And I hit a wall.  I learned that if nothing you do is helping the situation and you have reached wit's end, the child will be fine if you place her back in the crib and walk away for a few minutes to calm down.  She will be fine.  I didn't to do this often, but probably 3 or 4 times it was necessary.

I really have no theological point to make.  I am glad I have become desensitized to some things.  A story like this shouldn't be glossed over quickly.  I couldn't scroll down past those beautiful eyes looking at me, see the headline, and not react.  For what it's worth, in the mugshot, the killer isn't even looking at the camera.  He knows what he did.

I believe this little girl is with her Heavenly Father now.  A Father not just infinitely better than this creature, but a Father infinitely better than what I can ever be to my own daughter.  She may not have known love here on earth, but now she is with the source of it.